Dear Zachary,
It's really starting to sink in that you are a real, permanent part of our family. I'll confess, the first month I was still kind of holding my proverbial breath, half hoping/fearing that someone official was going to come along and be like, okay you've done pretty well keeping this baby alive, but let's be real here, you don't have what it takes to raise a child so we're going to give it to someone who actually knows what they're doing. However, you're still here, and the only people who have shown up unexpectedly at our door have been ADT salesmen, and they always come at the most inopportune moments, like after you've just gotten into the bath, or as you're screaming in hunger. But that's neither here nor there. Anyway!
At this point, the chronic sleep deprivation is starting to take its toll. The first month, I was still running on banked sleep and adrenaline and anxiety (i.e. OMG I have a baby whose life depends on me!!!), but now that you show no signs of expiring, the latter two are no longer there to spur me on, and so it becomes harder and harder to drag myself upright for middle-of-the-night feedings. Thankfully, a couple of weeks ago, you started smiling for real! Not just I'm-happy-I'm-full-of-milk smiles, but genuine, I'm-happy-to-see-you smiles! Your toothless grin makes it all worth it, and seeing you so happy is enough to melt this T's heart. You even had one full-bodied chortle a couple of days ago when the Zojirushi sang its little finished-boiling-the-water song, but it may have been a fluke, as we have been unsuccessful in getting you to laugh again.
Along with smiling, you've also started being much more interactive and personable, and I'm finding it much more rewarding to be home with you all day. There are still difficult moments (okay, they're a lot longer than moments), of course. When you won't nap even though you're tired, when you won't settle down and eat even though you're crying with hunger, when you don't want to hold still long enough to put socks on even though your feet are cold -- are you starting to sense a theme? -- I get glimpses of how much God must love us (and how frustrated He must get!). I want so badly to give you what you need, but you reject it, but I keep trying and trying. That's so like us humans with our Heavenly Father, it really makes it more real to me how big God's heart is. When you are crying with that heart-rending high-pitched wail and I can't figure out how to make things better for you, my heart hurts and I see the truth of Matthew 7:9-1, "Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!" So even though being a mom is hard, and I sometimes miss my old life, I have to thank you, baby guy, for giving me a more complete picture of how incredibly much God loves me. And I hope you know that love one day. In the meantime, I'm going to keep trying to keep those ridiculously tiny socks on your cute fat feet.
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| See? Even when you're sleeping the socks just start creeping down and off, like they've got a mind of their own... |
Love,
Mommy
Likes:
- Kicking and punching at all the dangly toys in your activity gym. We were worried at first that maybe it was a waste of money because you didn't seem to like it much, but it turns out we just had to wait for you to get old enough to find all the bright colors and jingly/crinkly noises engaging. You get really excited when you kick the arch supports just right and everything shakes.
- Having conversations on the changing table. After you're all cleaned up, you get all talkative with your coos and gurgles; you grin and kick and punch when we talk back to you. It makes it so that finding out you have a dirty diaper is almost fun. Almost.
- Keeping handfuls of lint and cat hair in your fists. I don't know where you get it, but every morning when I wash your face and hands, you've somehow managed to acquire a bunch of fuzz in between your fingers, despite having your hands inside your swaddler the whole night. And then when I try to clean it out, you ball up your hands into fists and won't let go, like it's some kind of treasure.
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| Did you want to see my fist? Here, let me show you. |
- Sleeping while being worn. Your longest naps are in the K'tan or the Ergo, and you even laugh in your sleep!
- The first five minutes of tummy time. You are really excited about sticking your head up and looking around.
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| Your pediatrician says that your head control is at the three-month-old level. Way to be an overachiever! |
- Music. Daddy busted out his guitar a few days ago and you were absolutely mesmerized. And then we brought you to church for Celebration Sunday and you were bouncing and head-bobbing and waving your arms to the music the whole time, totally engaged.
- People. When new people come over to you at church and smile at you, you smile and crinkle up your eyes and bare your toothless gums, which all the old ladies find endearing. TBH, I find it endearing too. You sure know how to charm 'em, and now I'm a little scared that you might turn out to be an extrovert...
Dislikes:
- When Mommy eats brussel sprouts, cabbage, and other cruciferous vegetables. The resulting milk gives you the most incredible gas, which means you're up all night with tummy ache.
- Your car seat. This is new and sad, as previously you were happy to sit in it. Now, if you're in your car seat, you are unhappy unless we are going over 35 mph. This makes taking you on walks and getting errands done very challenging.
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| Sad face! |
- Napping on your own for more than thirty minutes. This is progress since last month, when we couldn't even put you down to nap. Now, we can put you down, but you'll start crying your heart out 20-30 minutes later.
- Hats. You've got all these adorable beanies, but as soon as we put them on you (especially since more than one well-meaning stranger has commented on how cold your bare head must be), you start wriggling and head banging and rubbing your head on your car seat/swing/bassinet trying to get it off.
- Pacifiers. Last month we weren't sure, but now it's settled, you don't like fake nipples that don't have milk.
- The last five minutes of tummy time. Holding up that 95th percentile head gets really tiring!
Ways you take after family members:
- Like mom, you only have one double eyelid, much to your 婆婆's dismay.
- Like your dad, you enjoy a good fart or poop.
- Like your big brother, you hate holding still to have your nails clipped.
Names you've acquired:
- Baby guy: this is what we normally call you. Sometimes we have to remind ourselves that your real name is Zachary.
- Bebbers: this is what we call you when you're being especially cute. It's like the short form of Baby Guy, which is your "full name" for when you're in trouble, e.g. have spit up all over yourself right after putting on a new onesie.
- Sir: only Daddy calls you this, when you look especially serious.
- Burperino: again, only Daddy uses this, and its etymology is obvious.
- Babby: only Auntie Emily calls you this.
- 仔仔: this is being tentatively explored as a possibility, since 婆婆 thinks Zachary is too long to say.
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| This is definitely a Bebbers face. |
