How the Eighth Month Went

Dear Zachary,

I never used to pay much attention to the news. When I was in the sixth grade, I somehow got put into my last-place elective choice, Current Events, and barely earned a C because I couldn't be bothered to keep up with what was going on in the world. Also the only news source in the house was the Wall Street Journal, and I'm sorry, but an 11 year old, no matter how precocious of a reader, isn't going to be digesting much about the stock market. Now, though, it seems I can't help hearing about every single dangerous thing that could happen/has happened to babies, and stories about babies being killed, either accidentally or purposefully, seem to dominate my Facebook news feed (seriously, FB algorithms, you need to get out of my head). Those kinds of things never used to bother me much, but now I inevitably tear up when I read about that poor little ___-month-old who was ____ed so much that he ____ed.

Probably not a helpful thing to reread during this time: World War Z. Many of the stories in that book are heartrending stories (okay, I'm the only one whose heart is being rent) about parents and children, and although the logical T side of me knows that a zombie apocalypse is unlikely, I can't help but waver between 1) wondering if we should replace the sliding glass door in our bedroom with something more solid, 2) worrying that we don't have any axes or other tools that could be used to kill zombies, and 3) thinking that I really should always have at least half a tank of gas and a disaster preparedness kit in my car. Only the last one is a really productive thought. And in reading speculative fanfiction for WWZ, one link led to another and I ended up watching this short film, which reduced me to tears for minutes and stayed with me for a couple of weeks. I couldn't stop alternating between thinking about how I would do anything to keep you from harm, and worrying that I won't be strong enough to do what it takes if the time ever came.

I'm not really sure where I was going with all that, but let me end this month's letter by saying that man, that maternal drive to protect one's babies is strong! It's really hard for me to figure out where the fine line is between letting you crawl around and explore to your heart's content (and bonk your head more than a few times in the process) and holding you back so that you don't get hurt...but then I'm pretty sure that's a lifelong struggle for parents. Here's to hoping I get that balance more or less right in the years to come!

love,
Mommy

This month's updates were written by Daddy:

New this month:

In all the pictures in the previous months, you were simply sitting still or staying put and very content with doing so. How much has changed in the past month as you have begun to not only worm forward but also crawl around like an Olympic crawl sprinter! In the span of two weeks, you decided to transition from being stuck on all fours to sitting up from that position and then crawling in all sorts of directions. This leads to all sorts of problems with naps and sleeping as you want to practice crawling all the time, any chance you get. Because you've gone mobile, we can no longer just leave you in the activity center or on your blanket on your own. We turn to do something for five seconds and you're already halfway across the room looking for trouble.

Two days after you decided to crawl around, you decide to step it up another notch and begin to pull yourself up to try and stand on everything. From our legs to couch cushions, nothing is off limits for you to try and stand. You've even tried to pull yourself up using things that are either too short or too flimsy to support you (this includes a pair of jeans, your toy box, a paper bag, and floor pillows). You even try to stand up in your crib after we put you down. Our only hope is that you tire yourself out after realizing that there's nothing to hold onto.

Fun things you like to do now that you're mobile: 

• Sit up after you've decided to change directions when something else is going on 
• When you see an Apple device, you immediately begin to sprint crawl to wherever it is 
• Try and touch the wall heater when you get into the hallway (responsible adults who are reading this: don't worry, it's been shut off) 
• Pull up to stand using boxes and pretending like you're a bartender 
• Crawl to where you're not supposed to be to grab things you're not supposed to touch, e.g. to the bathroom to touch the trashcan full of used q-tips and floss, to the closet to suck on Daddy's sweaters, to the kitchen to lick flip-flops or tip over the graywater bucket...thankfully you haven't discovered Walnut's litter box yet. 

"What can I say? I aim to misbehave, after all!"

Food:

We are so glad that we decided to go with baby-led weaning, as it makes things so much easier. You've done an amazing job of learning to pick up even tiny pieces of food (blueberries, puffs, rice) and depositing it into your tiny mouth. Your progress has been amazing and you've progressed from when we started in early April with simple foods such as soft apples and pears, to now eating fish cake and bulgogi with us at the Korean restaurant, naan and saag and dal at the Indian restaurant, and homemade gnocchi. This has made eating out so much more enjoyable as a family activity and you love to be included in the festivities. All this eating has also made your BMs a lot more regular with an average of three huge poops per day.

Teeth: 

I'm sorry your teeth have to come in. It's a part of life and it sucks. I wish you were born with a full set of teeth so you didn't have to deal with this pain and itchy gums (Mommy inserts here that she is glad that you weren't born with a full set of teeth). Actually, your first three teeth didn't seem to bother you much, leading to us thinking that this whole teething thing was no big deal, but we seem to be making up for it with this fourth tooth, which has been sprouting with a vengeance. Sadly, it's been keeping you up at night and making you extra chompy while nursing. We hope that the rest of your teeth aren't like this.

Look at those two tiny bottom teeth!

Likes:

• Avocado (you can pound half an avocado + other foods in one meal) and blueberries (such fantastic hand-eye coordination already!), plus the old standby of corn on the cob.
• Making a mess with your food and pounding the high chair when the service isn't fast enough: the messiest foods are definitely avocado, sweet potato, peanut butter, and corn. 
• Moving anywhere: see above. 
• Being thrown up into the air: this is getting harder and harder, though, as you get heavier. We are pleased to announce that all that avocado has finally gotten your weight increasing again and you are now a pleasant twenty pound kettlebell. 

• Destroying towers of blocks or cups: nothing is allowed to stand tall. If it's stacked, it personally offends you and you must go knock it down.
• Your big brother Walnut: whenever you see him, you want to crawl over and grab his fur (Walnut does not like you as much as you like him), his toys are way more fun than yours (you are more interested in his catnip ball than he is), and when he jumps up onto his cat tree you laugh like crazy.   

• Dancing to the Sandra Boynton songs, especially Barnyard Dance and The Bunny Rabbit Show. You make this fantastic face with a huge open smile frozen in place. 
• Making loud noises: whether by banging on the piano, banging on boxes, or whacking those plastic air bags that come in Amazon boxes, the louder it is the better! Thankfully you have not yet discovered the power of your lungs. 

Your box of blankets makes an excellent drum. 

Dislikes:

• Leftovers! Like your daddy, you are not about eating a food after two meals of it. Your mommy went to all the trouble of making a bunch of banana pancakes and meatballs for you for easy meals, but you won't have anything to do with it. Of course, that's Murphy's Law at work. Our meals, though -- those are always interesting! 

I can't have your food?? Whyyyy are you so cruuuuellllll?

• Staying in one place (and this includes your carseat now): you have the patience for about a 15 minute car ride now, after which if you aren't asleep or out, you start screaming 
• Any kind of personal grooming: getting your daggers-for-fingernails clipped, lotion put on post-bath, and let's not even talk about wiping your face after a meal - trying to get you to hold still is one of the hardest things in the world. It's like performing surgery on a turbulent plane.

"Put on a diaper? No way...I'm outta here!"

How the Seventh Month Went

Dear Zachary,

We are fortunate to have many friends with older children who can alternately reassure us that you are developing normally, warn us about impending doom (read: crawling), or sympathize with our lack of progress with sleep training. The one thing they've all said, though, was that things get so much more fun after the six month mark. Unsurprisingly, they're right; you have become such a little character over the last month! I thought you were pretty great (minus the sleeping thing) before, but in this last month it's been like that part in Civilization Revolution when you discover a secret island and there's an explosion of great people...you discovered solid food and suddenly it's been an explosion of new skills and personality.

On the day that you turned six months old, you were sitting on your daddy's lap as he ate a banana and next thing I know, you had grabbed his hand and stuffed the banana into your mouth. Since then, you've been an adventurous little bebbers, trying to participate in every meal, whether we intended on feeding you or not. You know what you want, and what you want is food. Preferrably now, and you'd like to do it yourself, thank you very much. When we are the tiniest bit slow returning dropped food to you, you bang on your tray as if to demand faster service (what can I say, we're a Chinese eatery, and we all know those get minus one or two stars on Yelp for poor service), when we try to help you by feeding you soft, difficult to grasp foods like yogurt or congee, you protest loudly and try to grab the spoon to stick it into your mouth yourself. I feel vaguely like I should be trying to teach you better manners, but it's just so funny seeing you assert yourself.

We celebrated your first Easter this last month and I keep thinking about something I read somewhere, about how that first Holy Saturday just plain sucked for Jesus' disciples. They didn't know, despite numerous hints, that the resurrection was coming. All they knew was that their leader was dead, the revolution didn't happen, and they'd left their jobs and families for what? A tomb?

When I was in the thick of the newborn period with you and waking up every hour to nurse and getting peed on every other diaper change, I didn't really get why people thought babies were so great (sure, you were lovable, but you weren't exactly what I would call my top recreational choice). Now that you're blossoming into your own little person, I'm starting to see the light. Where before I was hopeless and exhausted and wondering if I'd made a huge mistake (cue "The Sound of Silence"), now I'm starting to feel a little more sure of myself as your mother and I'm able to really enjoy you. And through it all, God has been there, whether I felt Him or not, sustaining me so that I can make it through until the proverbial Easter morning.

In some areas of parenting I feel like I've reached the empty tomb and can rejoice (e.g. I don't have to wonder how to play with you or occupy you anymore...the answer is just give you food!), in some areas I'm still in Saturday mode (e.g. sleep training...ugh), and I'm sure there are many more areas where I'm still in the blissful ignorance of Palm Sunday. But I'll just keep meditating on the Easter story and remember that we know about the resurrection now; we know that Jesus has already triumphed. Even when things feel like Saturday, I trust that Sunday is coming. I trust that God has a plan that I just didn't get, despite the hints, and repeat 1 Corinthians 15:55-58.

“O death, where is your victory? 

O death, where is your sting?” 

The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain.

Sometimes, amidst the poopy diapers and scraping sweet potato off the floor, being a parent doesn't feel like the work of the Lord, but I know He has entrusted us with the raising of you, and I'll do my best to be steadfast.

love,
Mommy

Likes:

• Food: You are a huge fan of corn on the cob, cantaloupe, banana (you are your daddy's son all right!), pork (like a good Cantonese boy!), and 粥. If you see food on your plate and we don't get it to your tray fast enough, you will start freaking out and even dive toward the food if you can. If there is corn on the table and you are eating something else, you will throw the other stuff onto the floor and hold your hands out toward the corn. It's gotten to the point where we have to hide the corn if we want you to eat anything else during dinner. 
• Going really fast: When your daddy holds you and runs down the hall, or when he pushes you in your stroller super fast across a parking lot, you get this frozen open-mouthed face of joy, like you just can't believe your good luck.  
• TMT, aka 跳舞 Time: You make the same face as above when we swing your around during Sandra Boynton's "Barnyard Dance" song. 
• Pokemon: Best way to get you to crack a smile -- start making Pokemon noises! Your favorite is Diglet; Jigglypuff doesn't do much for you. 
• Your big brother, Walnut: Your eyes light up and you get this huge grin every time you see him walk by, and you will start bouncing in place hoping he comes closer. Should he come within grabbing distance, you will try to grab a big handful of fur and stick it in your mouth. 

So thrilled that you get to sit next to Walnut and stick your hand in his fur...and he's not running away!

The long-suffering cat heaves a huge sigh. 

Look at that expression of unbridled joy, to be so close to your big brother!

So intense, that focused stare. 

And lest you think it was a fluke, here's another picture from a different day, with the exact same expression of longing. 

Dislikes:

• Food: Like a stereotypical kid, you just hate broccoli. It goes on the floor instantly if it's handed to you and you make faces when florets mysteriously find their way into your mouth. 
• Wiping your face after eating: You're not a big complainer in general, unless I'm trying to clean you up. Then it's wild head turning in an attempt to avoid the washcloth. 
• This one teacher at school: You like most of the people at school, but your main babysitter reports that this one English teacher makes you cry, and yet you can't stop looking at him. Maybe it's like when one knows a spider is in the room, so one has to keep track of where it went? Our theory is that he's the only person you've ever seen that has facial hair; looks like you would not enjoy the month of Movember. 

New this month:

• Flipping over instantly during diaper changes: Neck-bridging, while annoying, was still somewhat helpful for when it came time to put your pants back on. But that was so last month. There is nothing remotely helpful about your flipping over. Thankfully, you are fairly easily distracted with a book to play with. 
• First Easter egg hunt: You were the youngest baby there, but we managed to artificially help you find an egg by holding you right in front of it so you could grab at it. 

• First meal at a restaurant: You've been to restaurants before, but this was the first time you actually partook of a meal at one! Sweet Tomatoes was an ideal first choice because there are so many unseasoned options at the salad bar. Your favorite by far was the baked potato; after that potato, you couldn't get enough of it fast enough, and when it crumbled out of your tight little grip, you started crying because there was no more potato in your hand. 

• Speaking of that potato, talking: You used to be a fairly quiet baby, not making much noise unless it was time to sleep. No longer! Something about that potato was a transcendental experience, because ever since that evening, you've been babbling and squealing. You favor the syllable ba, which makes me think your first word will sadly not be "mama."
• Actually playing with another baby at a playdate: You guys took turns patting each other's shoulder, grabbing burp cloths from each other, and trying to suck each other's toes, all punctuated by lots of squealing. It was pretty amusing to watch. 
• First time being put to bed without Mommy or Daddy: We went to the wedding banquet of one of your daddy's good childhood friends, so 爺爺 fed you dinner, gave you a bath, and did your whole bedtime routine. You were so good and went to sleep without a fuss! 
• First costume feature on Mommy's blog: You get all the geek points for having an awesome first cosplay. 

• Rotating on your tummy: It's apparently the precursor to crawling, so I'm scared. Looks like I need to start baby-proofing the house. 
• Finally catching the monkey on your bouncer! Ever since your first time in the bouncer, you've had your eye on that dangling monkey. You keep making swipes at it but it's always been too far and you've been too uncoordinated. Until now! The day you caught the monkey and stuffed it in your mouth, you were so pleased with yourself. 

ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED.

How the Sixth Month Went

Dear Zachary,

Wow, I can't believe we've had you for half a year! If we had purchased and paid for you using PayPal, we would now no longer be able to return you. Which is good, because that thought gets a little too tempting when it's 4:30 in the morning and you're up for the fourth time. Oh wait, we didn't pay for you with PayPal, so that's irrelevant. Is it wrong to joke about wanting to return a baby? I hope not, but in case it is, let me reassure you that we would never do so. You are getting to be such a little personality; we can no longer imagine what our lives would be like without you.

We recently started checking out new churches in hopes of finding more new parent community, and one of the churches we visited has an awesome nursery where we can leave you for all of service. I'd gotten so used to having you with us all the time that it almost felt weird to worship and listen to a sermon without bouncing you on our laps or walking you around the back of the sanctuary. It was like Ricky Bobby in Talladega Nights: "I'm not sure what to do with my hands."

It's funny how quickly you've insinuated yourself into our lives and changed how we think about everything. We never used to pay attention to whether churches had good kids' programs, but now it's at the top of our list of must-haves. I used to vaguely kind of try to buy organic produce, but now I've got the dirty dozen infographic saved on my phone in preparation for when you start solids. I used to daydream about what costumes I could sew for myself, but now I make plans for all the fun cosplay I can do with you before you're too old to think that dressing up with Mommy is cool. As Jonathan Coulton sang, you ruined everything in the nicest way. I never used to think that song was so great, but now I understand.

love,
Mommy

Likes:

• Rolling over. You've been able to roll for a couple months now, but you used to only do so in the morning when you were feeling especially happy and energetic (and nobody was watching). Now, you do so within about five seconds every time we set you down.
• According to your babysitter at school, the number three and classical piano music. We are so blessed that the lady who watches you is committed to making your school experience as rich as possible; she sings to you and has you listen to all sorts of different composers and instruments, and she reports back to me about what your favorites are. 
• Grabbing yourself down there. It was only a matter of time, I was told by other mamas of boys. Well, it's happened, and bath time and diaper changing time are now exploration time as well. 
• Cold teethers. We got some teething rings for you that can be refrigerated, and you love chomping down on them. Once they come to room temperature, though, they are much less interesting. 

Warm teether discarded in favor of toes. 

Dislikes:

• Sleeping on your tummy. This is a problem, since as soon as we put you in your crib, you flip over. It's really too bad you don't listen to reason, because I've explained to you several times that if you don't like sleeping on your tummy, maybe you shouldn't flip over when I put you down. Anyway, this has made sleep training much more difficult. 
• Speaking of sleep training, sleep training. You are not a fan of waiting until the three hour mark to eat at night, you are not a fan of sleeping in your own crib instead of snuggled up next to mommy, you are not a fan of being put down awake, and you are not a fan of timed checks. I'm sorry, son, but it needs to happen. Sleep is too beautiful and necessary of a thing for us to put off teaching you about it any longer. Also your mommy is about to fall over from exhaustion.
• Having things put on you. This includes diapers and clothes. You were never really a fan of putting clothes on post-bath, but diaper changes used to be okay. Well, no longer. Ever since you developed the ability to scoot around by arching your back and pushing with your legs, you've been practicing this move by scooting away when we try to put on your diaper and clothes. As your 嫲嫲 likes to say, you need to move to somewhere in Africa where it's acceptable to wander around naked. 

Your favorite time of day: post-bath, pre-pajama.

New this month: 

• Arching your back and scooting around. As mentioned above, this is a new mode of transportation for you. We can no longer put you down and expect to find you in the same place. Just a sneak preview of when you start crawling, I guess. Sigh, I guess I should start baby proofing the house... 

Check out that neck strength! I can fit my arm under you with room to spare when you do this. 

This is a common occurrence these days: you have scooted all the way off of the blanket, then you see something worth investigating, like the octopus doorstop, so you flip to your side and start nomming away.

One time you scooted off your blanket and traveled in a U and ended up like this.

• Your first cold. Sad milestone, but milestone nonetheless. Thankfully it was a fairly minor cold that manifested as two days of sneezing, congestion, and runny nose. Still, it was miserable for all concerned: you, because it was hard to eat when stuffed up, and us, because we had to listen to your sad snuffling. 
• Noticing and attempting to interact with your big brother. You didn't use to pay any particular attention to Walnut, but now you actively track him when he walks by, and if he's close enough, you'll reach out your hand and try to grab his fur. Just last week, when he walked up to sniff you, you actually gave him a huge smile! 

• Seeing something you want and going for it, aka the beginnings of object permanence. In the last couple of days, you've suddenly noticed that Daddy uses an orange fish-thing to water you during bath time, and when he put it down in the water, you deliberately sat up and tried to grab it. You got upset when we tried to sit you back (because we didn't want you to face plant into the the water and drown!) and kept trying to struggle toward the fish. When we took you out of the bath, you cried until we gave you the fish to chew on. Now, the first thing you do when you get into the bath tub is try to find the fish. I'm slightly proud, but slightly annoyed, because now bath time is an ordeal. 



I can no longer take lobster comparison pictures with you lying nicely next to it. You see it there beside you, decide it's worth investigating, and then roll over to try tasting it. 

• Having preferences. Based on amount of smiling and time spent actually paying attention to the book, you seem to like the Pajama Time book the most of all the Sandra Boynton books, which is ironic since you 1) hate putting on pajamas, and 2) hate bedtime. But you really like the "Jamma jamma jamma jamma P! J!" chant. 

How the Fifth Month Went

Dear Zachary,

I tried to think of something clever to say about your being five months old, but I'm coming up empty. It's hard to think of clever witticisms when you're still not letting me get much sleep at night. To make up for that, though, you've gotten more fun during the day. From learning to use your hands, to being able to sit in your high chair and watch me wash dishes/prep food, it's rewarding to see you learn to interact with your world.

Now that we've settled into the routine of going to school three times a week, I'm rediscovering how much I love having conversations with people who can respond more or less intelligently teaching. You love it too, because it means you get to be at school, where there is no shortage of people willing to coo over you. You are so liberal with your smiles, it *almost* makes me wish you showed some kind of preference for me. But since you don't, I'll continue being happy that I can hand you off to strangers without any signs of anxiety on your part.

The flip side of this school thing is that on the days we don't go to school...The. Days. Drag. On. Forever. It gets really tempting to just read endless BuzzFeed articles (A List of Some Number of Things About Disney Princesses!) and pin countless cookie recipes (there's no way I'm ever giving enough tests to justify baking that many cookies!) on my phone while you chew on your blanket, but I'm trying to remind myself that these days need to be treasured. The bonus of working with high schoolers is knowing that I'm getting a preview of what you'll be like in the future; soon you'll be spending twelve hours a day at school (I'm assuming you'll have sports practice/debate club/robotics team/some other extracurricular activity) instead of twelve hours giggling and napping with me, and the whole world tells me I'll miss these slow, leisurely (mostly slow) days. So I'm making an effort to put my phone away and follow the words of a wise man who died before he could spend any time with his child:

Wherever you are, be all there. -- Jim Elliot

It's a grace to be able to hang out with you all day on Wednesdays and Thursdays.

Love,
Mommy

Likes:

• Grabbing. Last month I was worried because you weren't grabbing things yet, even though the developmental milestones book said you should be. Well, I'm not worried anymore. You're grabbing the links on your activity gym, the O-ball, the taggie and shark I made for you, various rattles, my hair, my shirt, my face, Walnut's hair, everything! And then sticking them in your mouth, if possible. It makes me feel ridiculously gratified that you like the toys I made for you, although really, you like anything with little bits to suck on. 

• Somewhat related to the above: putting your arms around my neck when being held and pinching. The former is sweet and endearing, the latter, not so much. 
• Splashing during bath time.  We used to be so proud of you sitting quietly in the bath tub, but now you love kicking the water out. Your right foot is especially active -- Daddy jokes that you'll have a buffer right leg because seriously, it never stops moving. It's like somebody told your right leg that you were riding a bicycle and then forgot to tell it to stop. 
• Being tickled around your neck. We were also starting to think you weren't ticklish, but then your 公公 discovered the sweet spot that makes you giggle up a storm. 

• Being tossed in the air. Leave it to Daddy to dare to send you fake flying and set off a fit of giggles. There's no way I would've dared to do it without seeing him do it first. 

• Doing crunches. Poor little guy, you want so badly to sit up and see what's going on, but your core can't quite do it yet. Still, one must admire your persistence in trying to sit up. You especially like doing it in the bath, except then you can't hold the position for very long, so you tip over to the side and start gnawing on the side of the tub. 

• Rolling over, but only when nobody's looking. Every morning, I think to myself, maybe this is the morning I'll catch you rolling on video so that we can show grandparents. And every morning, I wait and wait, you lie there on your back and smile and show no signs of going anywhere, so I decide to step out and get some tea or breakfast. And inevitably, when I come back into the room, there you are in tummy time. You little devious thing, you. 

Dislikes:

• Cars that honk unnecessarily, cars with pumped up sound systems, excited middle schoolers, barking dogs, sirens, and flocks of geese overhead. Okay, maybe those are more my dislikes than yours, but seriously, nothing gets me more irrationally angry than noisy things that wake you up when you take your daily car nap. I go to all the trouble of driving you around until you fall asleep, only to have my efforts foiled by people who don't stop to consider that there might be a baby sleeping somewhere nearby (Just to be clear, I'm kidding about that, because really, how would they know). 
• Sleeping in new places. We took you on your first church retreat, and you absolutely refused to sleep in an unfamiliar environment. I ended lying on the floor, nursing you for hours those two nights in order to get you to stay asleep. And then when we came back you were all thrown off, and to be honest, you still haven't recovered. 

You also hated having to take pictures with the speaker's daughter.

New this month: 

• As mentioned above, you went on your first retreat. Aside from the sleeping thing, you did fabulously, being quiet during the plenary sessions, bouncing happily during the small group times, and mostly cooperating during meal times. You especially loved all the people fawning over you; mom and dad especially loved all the people willing to give them a break by holding you. 
• Your 爺爺, 嫲嫲 and 姑姐 came to visit from Philly. As with retreat, you love new people to smile at and play with, and we are glad to hand you over to give our arms a break. 
• They brought you a bunch of new clothes, and you're already almost too long for a couple of those 6-9 month onesies. How is that possible. 
• You raked in the red envelopes for your first Chinese New Year. We are so grateful for the people who love you so much already!

Happy Year of the Ram/Sheep/Goat!