How the Fourth Month Went

Dear Zachary,

Oh, you little troll, you! Last month, I was all smug thinking that we had this parenting thing figured out. You were starting to sleep longer and longer stretches (up to eight hours!) at night. You were happy playing by yourself, you were pooping regularly, and eating like a champ. Well, shortly after writing last month's post, you did an about-face and decided to teach your parents that there's no putting you in a box; you refuse to be so easily deciphered!

In true overachiever style, you decided to start your four month sleep regression a month early, going back to waking every couple of hours at night. Now, a good night is when you sleep for more than three hours in a row. You also started pooping less regularly, leading us to be on edge in fear of poosplosions every third day or so. And then there's the eating -- gone are the days of gaining half a pound a week (probably a good thing, to give our arm muscles time to catch up) -- these days you're too distracted by every little thing to get a good meal in during the day; consequently you need to make up the calories at night. I never thought a baby could get more alert than you, but leave it to you to defy expectations in every way! Thankfully, you still play by yourself. At least there's that, or else I would've gone crazy this month.

And yet. And yet. Every day I find myself loving you more and more, you adorable little boy, you. Even though it's because of you that I'm perpetually tired, hungry, thirsty, and sore, it's worth it seeing you grow and change. When you greet me with that little grin, when you laugh in delight at my silly songs, there's nothing like that feeling of heart-swelling love.

Sometimes when I'm bored while nursing you, I look back at photos of when you were just born. How utterly different you look already -- like a little boy and not a newborn! People keep telling me how mature you look, that you look older than four months, and it makes me both proud and sad. Even though I kind of can't wait until you outgrow this sleep regression, I'm going to miss it when you're not a little baby anymore. When I (prematurely, I'm sure) think about you being old enough to go to school (and give me time to myself!) and run around and get hurt and have teenage angst, I just squeeze your little warm body tighter and understand, just a little, why more experienced parents say to enjoy this time because it flies so fast. I think I'm finally starting to get this loving-your-child-so-much-it-hurts thing, and it is awful and wonderful and lovely and beautiful. Being your parent is an ongoing lesson in how deep the Father's love for us, because I can't even fathom how He could give His only son, to make wretches like us His treasure. Thank you for helping me to learn that, baby guy.

love,
Mommy

Likes:

• Laughing hysterically when we make silly noises at you. It started with exaggerated clapping after bath time, and now we find ourselves doing crazier and crazier things in hopes of hearing that infectious laugh of yours. 
• Not staying put, but not rolling either. You know how to roll. I know you do. You do it once a day, just to get our hopes up of catching it on video, but I think you know that rolling results in unasked for tummy time, so you don't do it any more often than that. Instead, you move around by planting your feet, lifting your butt, and then scotching over a few inches when you bring it back down. In that way, you've managed to move off your blanket and almost headbutt the heater while we weren't looking. 
• Diaper-free time. Every night, right before bath time, we let you air out your nether regions, and that's when you go crazy with the kicking (and peeing). You are just destroying our supply of chux pads, but it's hard to deny you that freedom when you obviously enjoy it so much. 
• Winning others over. We like speculating on what Myers-Briggs letters you might have (we're pretty sure you're an E) and what strengths you might've inherited from your parents -- and we're beginning to think you got your daddy's WOO. You know how to turn on the charm and even do this cute crooked smile and quick head-duck like you're shy about meeting people, except that you are totally fine with strangers holding you. You have conquered hearts at church, and now at Mommy's school. Which is good, because you have to go to school and be cared for by strangers three days a week. 

Dislikes: 

• Things touching your head and hands. Hats, lotion application, face washing, hand washing, putting on clothes, and nail-clipping are all anathema. Unfortunately, only the first item is optional. Because of your super sharp daggers, you've managed to inflict two injuries on yourself, leading people to question whether Walnut is attacking you. What a classic little brother move -- getting your big brother in trouble over something you did yourself!
• Eating when there are interesting things going on elsewhere. It's been really hard getting you to focus long enough to get a good meal these days. Why eat when Daddy or Walnut are walking by? Or when there's sunlight streaming through that window? Or when there's your hand to suck on? Or when the chair is red? 

New this month:

• You celebrated your first Christmas! That already seems like ages ago, doesn't it? You got quite a haul of clothes, which is good, because...
• You have graduated to 3-6 month clothing for onesies and footed jammies. 0-3 month jackets and pants and other separates still fit you, because you're basically just long and skinny. 3-6 month separates look ridiculously wide on you, but the length of onesies is right, since you take after Mommy in being all torso.  
• As mentioned previously, you started going to "daycare" at Mommy's school three days a week. General opinion is that you are a very likable, personable baby...except when it's time to nap. So far you have not succeeded in napping at school, despite their going out and specially acquiring a Pack-N-Play for you. 
• Seeing as how you like her books so much, Mommy finally caved and used all her Amazon points to buy the rest of Sandra Boynton's books for your library. Thankfully, her books are enjoyable for both babies and adults, which is good, since these are the books we'll probably be reading fifty times over. 
• Previously, you were just sucking on your fists; now, you are actually sucking on your thumb! 

• We tried unswaddling you and transitioning to the Baby Merlin Magic Sleepsuit, but that was a disaster. You kept waking yourself up with your startle reflex, but gosh darn it if you don't look adorably like the Michelin man in that marshmallow suit. 
• Baby playdates! We've had a lot of hangouts with friends who also have babies, mostly a lot older than you. But just recently, Mommy's friend has been bringing her just-six-weeks-younger-than-you baby over once a week and while it's really more of a mommy adult-conversation-date, you little guys have obligingly lain on blankets next to each other and stared and gurgled. It's pretty great!

Dad Thoughts, the Poop Special Edition

WARNING: Poop, and probably TMI about baby feces, but also a PSA for people who are yet to be parents (picture included; caveat emptor)

There's not a whole lot about babies in textbooks when you study biology in high school or college. Most of what you learn in these textbooks about the human body pertains to mature human systems. As parents, we learned that at a certain point (around 2.5-3 months), babies will only poop once every 3-5 days, some even up to 21 days. Their bodies are learning to be more efficient with the nutrients and energy from breastmilk. We thought it was constipation, but it's completely normal. Sound unhealthy? It may be for adults, but not for babies.

Great, you think, less poopy diapers to change, but the flip side is that an anxiety forms within the parents after day 3 of no poop. The fear of an explosion of poo (known as a poosplosion) is enough to make anyone tremble. On the third day, you start to modify your plans for going out since being out in a restaurant or other public place would be the worst. By the fourth day, you don't even want to leave the house. Well the poosplosion finally happened on day 5, and lucky for us, it happened at home, in the middle of the day, on a weekend, when I was home to help. Three days later, we weren't so lucky. We had a poosplosion that exploded all the way up to his armpit. That onesie went into the trash and the only way to clean off Z was to take a shower with him to rub off all the poo.

Why the shower? Because the consistency of poosplosion poo starts to be more of a chunky peanut butter substance instead of the previously seedy mustard poo. Which is terrible because it is so hard to wipe off.

This is what a poosplosion looks like. Note how it runs up the back of the diaper (not pictured: the poo-covered baby.)

Regardless, I love Z so much. And it's fun to talk about poop.


Some Q&A:
Q: Was this what you expected it to be like in terms of dealing with poop? 
A: I never knew poo could be this sticky but there's nothing like a clean, happy baby after the event. Our pediatrician did give us a flyer that listed different kinds, colors and textures of baby poop, but nothing can really prepare you for poosplosions.

Q: Should I be scared of babies now and their potential poosplosions?
A: No, chances are you won't be holding the baby when a poosplosion happens. If anything, you should give props to all parents who are willing to roll up their sleeves each day and get their hands dirty.

Q: Is there a diaper brand you like to use? 
A: Pampers all the way. They even have a rewards program for loyalty to their brand.

Q: Does your appetite get affected by the poop?
A: No, and I still like peanut butter.

Q: Will Z look back on this entry and be embarrassed?
A: You know it.

Who would've guessed that such nastiness could come out of such a cute butt?

How the Third Month Went

Dear Zachary,

Congratulations, baby guy, you've made it through the fourth trimester!

This month has been full of developments that have, thankfully, made my life easier. Whereas you used to want to be held all the time, and would only sleep for a couple hours at night before wanting to eat again, you have now graduated to being able to spend up to twenty minutes happily kicking it up by yourself on your activity mat, and sleeping 4-5 hours for one stretch during the night! This is huge, as twenty minutes is practically an eternity (it seems) where I can actually wash dishes, put laundry into the machine, and clean the litter box. And now that you're better at sleeping at night, I feel like a normal human being most days. Maybe I've gotten a little too used to that, though, as last week when you had a couple days of growth spurt, I was almost offended at having to wake up every other hour again...

Last month I wrote about how it was starting to sink in that you are really a permanent part of our family. Well, this month I'm starting to realize how much I like you being in our family, nay, how fiercely I love having you in my life. When they say that having a baby changes you, they're right; I never used to get what the big deal was with motherhood, but when I read two motherhood-centric books this month -- Amy Tan's The Valley of Amazement and Lois Leveen's Juliet's Nurse -- I was surprised by how strongly I identified with the mothers depicted, and how heartbroken I felt as I empathized with these fictional characters' losses. For all that I sometimes wish I had more time to myself, I can't even imagine what it would be like to have you taken away, baby guy. Sometimes when you're sleeping especially well (six hours and not a peep?!), I panic and have to check on you to make sure you haven't died of SIDS or anything crazy like that. When I went shopping last weekend for a couple of hours on my own (the longest I've been away from you!), I missed holding your little warm body, kissing your cheeks, and smelling your head. For someone who's fairly unsentimental, this is a new experience.

I've always inwardly sneered (okay, outwardly, too) at the Christmas song "Mary Did You Know?" for being ultra cheesy, but this Christmas, I find myself being less disdainful and more touched by it. Maybe it's just the new cover by Pentatonix, but I've a sneaking suspicion that it's actually my grinchy T heart growing three sizes (one size per month you've been alive?) bigger, but I just don't know how Mary did it, short of supernatural empowerment by the Holy Spirit. When I cuddle you and think about Mary giving up her baby to death on the cross, when I delight in your laughter and think about God sending His son to earth in the form of a tiny baby, I'm floored all over again by the Christmas story. What an incredible thing to have God with us, to have a high priest in Jesus who knows what the whole human experience is like. Maybe it's selfish of me not to want peace on earth and all men to have goodwill toward each other, but to be honest, my wish this Christmas is for you to grow up to know the Savior personally, to be able to experience the joy of Emmanuel.

love,
Mommy

Likes:

• Reading books. This makes me so incredibly happy! In the last month, you've come to really enjoy reading together. You get extra grinny and babble up a storm when I read to you. Your favorites, based on amount of noise made, are the Sandra Boynton board books, although Goodnight Moon is also up there. 

• Song time. You are most likely to laugh when I sing you songs that have hand motions (which I make up a lot of the time). Favorites: The Wheels on the Bus, Little Bunny Foo Foo, The Wise Man and the Foolish Man.
• Looking at yourself in the mirror. You little narcissist, you! Tummy time becomes much more bearable when you get to see yourself in the little hand mirror. 
• Bouncing. You love kicking your legs, and you love kicking off of things even more. Helping you bounce is a surefire way to get you to stop crying. 

Happy early Christmas!
Daddy got you a jumper so that you could hopefully burn off some of that excess energy.

Dislikes:

• Putting down drowsy but awake. We've been working on sleep training the last couple of weeks and you are seriously pissed off every time your head touches the bassinet. It doesn't matter how close you were to nodding off, there is no such thing as shush-patting you to sleep. 
• Your swing. You slept in it for a month or so, then started associating it with that awful time of day when Mommy and Daddy left you alone in the dark, so now even though we've transitioned you to sleeping in the bassinet, you still arch your back and cry when we put you in the swing for "amusement."

Other Notes:

• You now laugh regularly. Not a lot, but at least a few times a day, just enough that it makes us do ridiculous things in hopes of getting a laugh. Congratulations, you have learned how effective behavioral conditioning is on an intermittent reinforcement schedule. 

• People regularly comment on how mature and alert you are for only being three months old. As you continue to nap poorly during the day, the latter adjective becomes more and more likely to evoke hysterical laughter from your parents. If only you would be a little less alert!
• You discovered your hands a few weeks ago and have been enjoying their unique flavor ever since. It was seriously difficult trying to get pictures of you this month without your fists jammed into your mouth. This is only a small selection:

• We took you to 婆婆 and 公公's house for the first time for Thanksgiving, where you finally met your last two uncles, Fenxi and Gummy. Nobody was particularly impressed or interested. 

• At least your big brother Walnut has gotten more used to you! He no longer leaves the room when you start crying (sometimes he'll even come whine at me when you start crying in another room, as if to say "Excuse me, but did you notice he's crying again? Aren't you going to do something about it?"), and he'll even come hang out when you're in my lap. 

• You rolled over from tummy to back for the first time this morning! Unfortunately, we have been unable to get you to do it again. You're probably regretting rolling over in the first place, as it means that you keep getting extra tummy time as we try for a repeat. 
• Since it's your first Christmas, Mommy tried so hard to get some good pictures for a Christmas card. Looking up ideas on Pinterest + no actual understanding of how to use the manual settings on the DSLR = ridiculous pictures of you looking like a creepy, otherworldly baby. 

I SEE YOU WHEN YOU'RE SLEEPING. I KNOW WHEN YOU'RE AWAKE. 

Okay, let's not finish on that note. Here's one showing you having entirely too much fun being naked and surrounded with shiny lights:

Joyful joyful!

Dad's Thoughts, Vol. 2

Al Capone once said, "You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot farther with a smile and a gun."  

Eleven weeks in the books with Zachary and this baby guy really has come a long way. In the context of this quote, the smile has made a world of difference. I am experiencing my son in new ways every day and the simple fact that he can at least produce a smile makes me feel more connected to him and Cindy. Going back to the quote, Zach's "gun" will be each successive milestone.

Some highlights since I last wrote, besides the smile:

• Eating at some of our favorite food places. We didn't think that we'd be able to take you to some of our favorite eateries so early in your life. I thought it'd be at least 5-6 months before we could take you anywhere. Then we decided to bust out the Ergobaby for me to carry you to church at 7 weeks since you were already 12 pounds (you big eater). 

We went to 85C Bakery the day after Thanksgiving and you were so good!

• Having you practice standing and jumping. You have way too much energy. I can hold you under your armpits and you can bend your knees and bounce up and down on your own. Sometimes, I'll help you get some air after bending your knees. 

Helping you stand so that we can compare you to your friend Caden.

• Seeing you grow like a beast. Statistically you somehow manage to be above the 95th percentile for head circumference and height. And everyday you get heavier than my bowling ball. 

Multitasking: feeding you and scratching your big brother at the same time.

• Seeing you release gas. It's more rewarding to burp you because I know that it relieves a nuisance in your esophagus and somehow it gets louder every week. Your burps are louder than your Auntie Ashley's. 
• Sock patrol. Someone is always on duty when we go out to make sure you don't lose a sock. You love kicking which means you also love to loosen those socks from your feet. Lost sock count: 0 so far...

These footed sleepers are really supposed to be pajamas, but sometimes we take you out in them during the day because that way, there's no chance of you losing a sock. 

How the Second Month Went

Dear Zachary,

It's really starting to sink in that you are a real, permanent part of our family. I'll confess, the first month I was still kind of holding my proverbial breath, half hoping/fearing that someone official was going to come along and be like, okay you've done pretty well keeping this baby alive, but let's be real here, you don't have what it takes to raise a child so we're going to give it to someone who actually knows what they're doing. However, you're still here, and the only people who have shown up unexpectedly at our door have been ADT salesmen, and they always come at the most inopportune moments, like after you've just gotten into the bath, or as you're screaming in hunger. But that's neither here nor there. Anyway!

At this point, the chronic sleep deprivation is starting to take its toll. The first month, I was still running on banked sleep and adrenaline and anxiety (i.e. OMG I have a baby whose life depends on me!!!), but now that you show no signs of expiring, the latter two are no longer there to spur me on, and so it becomes harder and harder to drag myself upright for middle-of-the-night feedings. Thankfully, a couple of weeks ago, you started smiling for real! Not just I'm-happy-I'm-full-of-milk smiles, but genuine, I'm-happy-to-see-you smiles! Your toothless grin makes it all worth it, and seeing you so happy is enough to melt this T's heart. You even had one full-bodied chortle a couple of days ago when the Zojirushi sang its little finished-boiling-the-water song, but it may have been a fluke, as we have been unsuccessful in getting you to laugh again.

Along with smiling, you've also started being much more interactive and personable, and I'm finding it much more rewarding to be home with you all day. There are still difficult moments (okay, they're a lot longer than moments), of course. When you won't nap even though you're tired, when you won't settle down and eat even though you're crying with hunger, when you don't want to hold still long enough to put socks on even though your feet are cold -- are you starting to sense a theme? -- I get glimpses of how much God must love us (and how frustrated He must get!). I want so badly to give you what you need, but you reject it, but I keep trying and trying. That's so like us humans with our Heavenly Father, it really makes it more real to me how big God's heart is. When you are crying with that heart-rending high-pitched wail and I can't figure out how to make things better for you, my heart hurts and I see the truth of Matthew 7:9-1, "Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!" So even though being a mom is hard, and I sometimes miss my old life, I have to thank you, baby guy, for giving me a more complete picture of how incredibly much God loves me. And I hope you know that love one day. In the meantime, I'm going to keep trying to keep those ridiculously tiny socks on your cute fat feet.

See? Even when you're sleeping the socks just start creeping down and off, like they've got a mind of their own...

Love,
Mommy


Likes:

• Kicking and punching at all the dangly toys in your activity gym. We were worried at first that maybe it was a waste of money because you didn't seem to like it much, but it turns out we just had to wait for you to get old enough to find all the bright colors and jingly/crinkly noises engaging. You get really excited when you kick the arch supports just right and everything shakes. 
• Having conversations on the changing table. After you're all cleaned up, you get all talkative with your coos and gurgles; you grin and kick and punch when we talk back to you. It makes it so that finding out you have a dirty diaper is almost fun. Almost. 
• Keeping handfuls of lint and cat hair in your fists. I don't know where you get it, but every morning when I wash your face and hands, you've somehow managed to acquire a bunch of fuzz in between your fingers, despite having your hands inside your swaddler the whole night. And then when I try to clean it out, you ball up your hands into fists and won't let go, like it's some kind of treasure. 

Did you want to see my fist? Here, let me show you. 

• Sleeping while being worn. Your longest naps are in the K'tan or the Ergo, and you even laugh in your sleep!
• The first five minutes of tummy time. You are really excited about sticking your head up and looking around. 

Your pediatrician says that your head control is at the three-month-old level. Way to be an overachiever!

• Music. Daddy busted out his guitar a few days ago and you were absolutely mesmerized. And then we brought you to church for Celebration Sunday and you were bouncing and head-bobbing and waving your arms to the music the whole time, totally engaged. 

• People. When new people come over to you at church and smile at you, you smile and crinkle up your eyes and bare your toothless gums, which all the old ladies find endearing. TBH, I find it endearing too. You sure know how to charm 'em, and now I'm a little scared that you might turn out to be an extrovert...

Dislikes:

• When Mommy eats brussel sprouts, cabbage, and other cruciferous vegetables. The resulting milk gives you the most incredible gas, which means you're up all night with tummy ache. 
• Your car seat. This is new and sad, as previously you were happy to sit in it. Now, if you're in your car seat, you are unhappy unless we are going over 35 mph. This makes taking you on walks and getting errands done very challenging. 

Sad face!

• Napping on your own for more than thirty minutes. This is progress since last month, when we couldn't even put you down to nap. Now, we can put you down, but you'll start crying your heart out 20-30 minutes later. 
• Hats. You've got all these adorable beanies, but as soon as we put them on you (especially since more than one well-meaning stranger has commented on how cold your bare head must be), you start wriggling and head banging and rubbing your head on your car seat/swing/bassinet trying to get it off. 
• Pacifiers. Last month we weren't sure, but now it's settled, you don't like fake nipples that don't have milk. 
• The last five minutes of tummy time. Holding up that 95th percentile head gets really tiring!

Ways you take after family members:

• Like mom, you only have one double eyelid, much to your 婆婆's dismay. 

• Like your dad, you enjoy a good fart or poop. 

• Like your big brother, you hate holding still to have your nails clipped. 

Names you've acquired:

• Baby guy: this is what we normally call you. Sometimes we have to remind ourselves that your real name is Zachary. 
• Bebbers: this is what we call you when you're being especially cute. It's like the short form of Baby Guy, which is your "full name" for when you're in trouble, e.g. have spit up all over yourself right after putting on a new onesie.
• Sir: only Daddy calls you this, when you look especially serious. 
• Burperino: again, only Daddy uses this, and its etymology is obvious. 
• Babby: only Auntie Emily calls you this. 
• 仔仔: this is being tentatively explored as a possibility, since 婆婆 thinks Zachary is too long to say. 

This is definitely a Bebbers face. 

How Dad Feels About It All

Zachary,

It's been 7 weeks now and you're the most wonderful, beautiful son a father could have but you also don't sleep. I love you so much but I would love it even more if you would sleep for longer periods of time. Okay with that out of the way, we move on to one of my favorite improv games, 3 things!! (Also because people like things in threes.)

3 things that make you special:

• You have amazing head and neck control. When I pick you up, you can't wait to fling your head around like a bobblehead. 
• Your farts are as loud as mine and that isn't easy to do. 
• You're a champion eater. I've never seen a baby pound that much milk in that little time. 

Flinging yourself around during tummy time.

3 things I'm afraid of:

• That you're going to be an explosive ball of energy and that your parents won't be able to keep up. You already kick and punch up a storm like a baby MMA fighter. 
• That you're going to be taller than 6 foot. You're in the 90th percentile in height. That doesn't happen to Chinese babies. 
• That you're gonna be a big troll when you grow up. You already troll us with your eating and sleep habits. 

Helping you work on target practice with your punches.

3 things I can't wait for:

• To be able to teach you to ride a bike so we can go on rides together around the neighborhood and have our own adventures. 
• For Mom to be able to teach you the wonders of Legos. Maybe we'll start you off with Duplos so you don't choke on any... 
• For you to learn how to throw and play catch. I really enjoyed those times I had in my backyard with your grandpa and I want to share that with you. 

You're a great catch, baby guy!

3 things you hate:

• Getting your face washed 
• Fitting your arms through shirt sleeves 
• Sleeping 

In this picture, we 1) washed your face and 2) changed your shirt so that we could 3) put you down for a nap.
You were not having any of it. 

3 things I want you to become:

• A great leader 
• Compassionate towards others 
• Not a jerk

That's a tall order for such a tiny baby guy. 

Love,
Dad